Let's just get right to the facts:

I am, God forbid, a short man.  At just 5 feet 5 inches tall, 95 out of 100 men are taller than me. If you're into percentiles, that puts me in the lower 5% of the male population! And if you think that sounds bad, you just wait; it gets worse...

The experts on TV, in magazines, at universities, etc. have taken it upon themselves to calculate the fate of "vertically disadvantaged" people like myself. As it turns out, I don't have a snowball's chance in Hell of leading a happy and successful life. I mean, they've done the research and, if you haven't heard, it ain't pretty. According to them, here's what my "short stature" ultimately means:

For starters, it means I will be universally rejected by women. Ouch! Right off the bat, that's a rough one. (Who said life is fair?) Yep, apparently when it comes to giving the ladies what they want, a 6 foot 2 Jeffrey Dahmer beats a 5 foot 5 Joe Plummer all day long. Tough break, huh? 

But it isn't just the women who'll reject me. Recent studies reveal that employers will snub me too! Not only will I be passed over for promotions, I'll be paid less for doing the same job. Oh well, I guess I better accept the cruel irony that, as a short man, I will be forever relegated to the bottom of the ladder. 

I know what you're thinking: "It wouldn't be fair for an employer to discriminate against a person just because they're short." I used to think that too, but a new study from Princeton says it isn't so much about being short. Rather, the discrimination happens because short people are less intelligent than tall people, and therefore are worth less money. (Ah Ha! Now it all makes sense.)

 

Dumb, broke, unwanted AND short. God help me, should I just kill myself now? Or should I thank my lucky stars I've never accepted conventional wisdom as anything more than the hopelessly unreliable pile of shit that it tends to be... 

Now, if you're one of those people who enjoys dismissing entire segments of the population, while elevating the status of another segment with equal recklessness, you'll probably find little comfort in what I'm about to write. However, if you're like me (a person who despises the fundamental inaccuracies and ignorance of stereotypes), you'll be pleased to know: 

I have never had any problems with women, and that's going way back. I was "gettin' busy" by age 13, and by age 16 I was in a serious relationship with a 24-year-old woman. As far as my current status goes, I've been happily married since 1998.

And surely if it's OK for me to admit I'm in the lower 5% of the male population in height, it should be OK to admit I've scored in the upper 5% on the brain tests. This is great news for all of you short people, average people, and even normal range tall people: All basketball players are not necessarily smarter than you, despite what a Princeton "study" might lead you to believe.

As for discrimination in the work place, I never picked up on it. But then again, maybe I didn't look hard enough. Maybe I should have spent more time searching for reasons, beyond my control, that explained why it took so much effort to get where I wanted to go in life. Just think how much better off I might have been with that attitude!!! 

Sarcasm aside, let me put a finer point on this pencil.
 
When it comes to determining the ultimate value of a human being, height is one of the smallest measurements one can take. It doesn't measure a person's honesty or integrity. It doesn't measure their talent or creativity. It reveals nothing about their courage, their work ethic, or what their time on this planet will ultimately yield for the good of humanity. And while we're at it, let's not forget the same holds true for all other inherited "fixed" attributes like gender, skin color, physical beauty, parental pedigree, etc.

Now, the last thing I want is for people to read this piece as a stern condemnation against any mention of what separates us from one another. Far from it! The other day a vertically challenged correspondent from the Tonight Show was interviewing and poking fun at some basketball players in a light-hearted way. In retaliation, a couple players took a jab back by referencing the correspondent's height and in both cases, what they said was genuinely funny. (In one case, I'm certain I actually laughed out loud and said "That's funny!") But only because none of it was done in a mean-spirited or condescending way. It's those who try to project an air of being better than others (based on a trait they didn't earn), that need a swift kick in the nuts. And the same for those who imply that "a look" is all that's required to determine the true size of a human being. 

So what's your story? Are you no good at being tall? Or maybe no good at being beautiful, or no good at having rich parents, or being white, or black, or Hispanic (or whatever race that somebody is claiming is the "superior" one)? Forgive me, but who cares? There are other things that you are, or could be, good at that are 1,000 times more important; things that will bring you (and those around you), more fulfilment in the long run. So, why pretend otherwise? 

 

 

J. Plummer 2.23.07
Back to Home Page
Back to Letters and Commentary Page
UPDATE, 7.2021: I added "Height Privilege" to the title. Yes, I'm taking a jab at the idea that "people of color" should be taught from birth through college that they'll forever be viewed as less than by others and, because so, they will always be a victim. The elite pushing this nonsense are literally teaching racism and victimhood. The most charitable interpretation is that some of them mean well...but don't count on that. They will exploit (and are exploiting) the division they're trying to create.